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OK – first of all – I have to admit I am home. Alone. A LOT. And sometimes a gal has to amuse herself any way she can. A few months ago – I found this HILARIOUS thong on Ebay:
They come from China & cost about $5 including shipping. I sent one to the badass, Miles Miller & one to my stepdad – anonymously. I wonder if they can even figure out what it is. I bet my stepdad is using it as a headband while he does cardio at the gym. I will never know but still I laughed & laughed!
I crack myself up!
Now – onto this chili. I have never had real white chicken chili. I gave up chicken 25 years ago or so – so I had no idea what to expect with this stuff. Having made it the other day – I can tell you this is just a glorified & very thick chowder. I love chowder – so that is cool – but come on. It is not a very summery meal – that’s all I am saying. But it sure tasted good & is REALLY EASY! I made this vegetarian but it can easily be vegan – or – if you are a sissy – you can put dead birds in it. I recommend the faux chicken. It is cruelty-free & you can confidently engage in staring matches with chickens without flinching from the weight of your guilt.
I used real cream cheese but they make a vegan one – so don’t get your panties in a bunch. If you are vegan – use the vegan version. Wasn’t that easy? 🙂
Vegan White Chicken Chili (Chowder)
Serves a lot – like – 6?
1/2 – 1 lb faux chicken (depending on how dense you like it) – chopped into cubes
5 (15 oz) cans white beans
1 onion – diced
4 celery stalks – diced
2 ears corn – kernels cut from the cob
1-2 TBS olive oil
4 garlic cloves – minced
1 cup vegetable stock (or more – depending on how thick you want the chili)
4 oz can diced green chiles (hotness of your desire – double it for more flavor) – I used HOT
2 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp ground coriander
1 tsp dry oregano
1 tsp (or to taste) cayenne pepper
8 oz cream cheese (or vegan alternative)
S&P to taste
Potential garnishes: Lime wedges, chopped fresh jalapenos, chopped cilantro, avocado, grated jack cheese (or, you got it! Vegan alternative)
If you want a creamier base for the chili – puree two of the five cans of beans. Drain first for thicker chili – or not if you like it more chowdery. Set the puree aside. If you want thick chili, add the stock in small increments (when that time comes) or not at all. Depending on the consistency you want – you can use lots of stock or none at all. Drain the beans for thick chili, do not if you want a chowder.
Heat the olive oil in a large stock pot over med-high heat. Add the onions, celery & faux chicken. If you use real chicken – cut it small & brown it.
Once the vegetables are soft & the chicken begins to brown a bit add the garlic FOR THIRTY SECONDS. Garlic burns fast & you do not want burnt garlic.
Add 1/2 of the cup of stock (or less – if you want a very thick chili), chiles & spices & bring to a boil then lower to a simmer.
Add the cream cheese, corn, whole beans (drained & rinsed for thick chili – or with the water for a chowder) & the pureed beans. DO NOT FREAK OUT when the cream cheese starts to look curdled.
That looks fucking nasty but, trust, the cheese WILL melt & become creamy. In twenty minutes of so – it should all come together nicely. If it is too thick, add more stock. If it is too thin, raise the heat & cook it down.
Season with S&P & garnish as you please. MMMMM! Now get on Ebay & buy your man some hilarious panties!