Easy Vegetarian (or Vegan) Gravy

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This is easy & can be made in 20 minutes.  It is delicious & even meat eaters will delight in it.  I brought it to a Thanksgiving diner yesterday & the hostess tasted my gravy & chose not to bother making a turkey-based version for her carnivorous guests.  Everyone ate the vegetarian gravy & all were pleased!  I used butter in mine but you vegans can just sub it out with a vegan butter/margarine or even olive oil.

Easy Vegetarian (or Vegan) Gravy

INGREDIENTS

1/2 cup butter (or vegan alternative or olive oil)

1/2 – 3/4 cup shallots (or onion) – minced

1/2 cup flour

6 cups vegetable stock

1 TBS soy sauce

1/2 tsp Marmite

1 tsp black pepper

DIRECTIONS

Heat the stock in a pan.

Melt the butter (or vegan alternative) in another large stock pot.  Add the chopped shallots & cook a few minutes letting the butter heat just to the point of boiling.  Add the flour & whisk it in until it is smooth.  Lower heat to med-high & brown the roux just a bit – whisking constantly.  

It should get very thick very quickly.  Add the soy sauce & Marmite & black pepper.  Whisk them in & then slowly add the stock in small increments.  Here is where you can control how thin or thick the gravy gets.  Let it thicken before adding the next portion of stock.  When all the stock is incorporated – you can cook it down to thicken it more.  If it gets too thick – add a bit of water.  And there you have it!  Enjoy!

Vegetarian/Vegan Apple Sage Stuffing

 

All Photos © Christine Elise McCarthy 2013

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This is super easy & really quite delicious.  I used a spice called Bell’s Seasoning –

but I think this might only be available in the Northeast.  If so – just use poultry seasoning.

So – no fanfare today.  So much to do.  To eat.  To drink.  So I will just get on with the recipe.

Vegetarian/Vegan Apple Sage Stuffing 

INGREDIENTS

7 cups cubed bread (even gluten-free bread if you like)

1/2 cup diced shallots (or onion)

5 celery stalks – chopped

1 Golden Delicious apple (or any apple) – diced

10-20 sage leaves

olive oil

2 cups non-dairy, unsweetened milk

4 TBS vegan butter

1 tsp Bell Seasoning (or poultry seasoning)

1 tsp dry sage

1 tsp each S&P

2 vegan egg replacements (or other vegan alternative – like – 1/2 cup pureed silken tofu)

DIRECTIONS

Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees.

Put the cubed bread in a large bowl.

Heat a TBS or two of olive oil in a large pan.  Saute the shallots/onion & celery until soft.  Add the apple & heat through.  Add this to the bread.

Add another TBS of olive oil to the same pan & fry the sage leaves until they begin to brown – turning them a few times.  Drain on a paper towel, crumble them & add to the bread.

Melt the butter in another pan & add the milk.  Warm it & add the spices.  Add this to the bread.  Add the eggs to the bread & stir to combine well.

Grease a casserole dish with butter or cooking spray.  Put the stuffing in there & bake, covered, at 350 for 45 minutes.

Remove the cover & bake another 20 minutes or so – until the top is crusty & golden.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!

Spicy Vegan Chinese Green Pepper Beef

All Photos © Christine Elise McCarthy 2013

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Another easy gem made from Trader Joe’s Beef-less Strips.  Of course – real beef could be used.  Green pepper beef is my bad-ass boyfriend Miles’ favorite Chinese dish so I expect I will post an actual meat version of this some time down the line.

Easy as can be & rather delicious.  Mine was a bit on the salty side so be sure to use the low sodium soy sauce.  I added dark soy sauce but if you cannot find this – omit it.  I used a vegetarian oyster sauce.  As with the dark soy – if you cannot find it – omit it.

I bought white rice from a local Thai joynt – hence the take-out container.

Spicy Vegan Chinese Green Pepper Beef

Serves two pretty easily

INGREDIENTS

8 oz Trader Joe’s Beef-less Strips (or other vegan meat) – or real beef

1/2 onion – sliced thin

1 1/2 bell peppers – colors of your choice – sliced thin

olive oil

cornstarch

1 cup water

1/3 cup low sodium soy sauce

1 TBS dark soy sauce (optional)

1 tsp black pepper

1 TBS crushed red pepper (or to taste)

1 TBS ginger – minced

6 garlic cloves – minced

2 TBS brown sugar

1 TBS rice wine vinegar

1 TBS vegetarian oyster sauce (optional)

Cooked rice of your choice

DIRECTIONS

Toss the meat in a few TBS of cornstarch to coat it.

Heat a TBS or 2 of olive oil in a saute pan over high heat.  Sear the meat & the crushed red pepper until it browns a bit on all sides.  Set it aside in a bowl.

Add another TBS of olive oil to the pan & cook the onions & peppers over medium heat until soft.  Put them in the bowl with the meat.

Add another TBS of olive oil to the pan & add the garlic & ginger.  After one minute add the soy sauces, water, black pepper, brown sugar, rice vinegar & oyster sauce.  Bring to a boil & let it thicken just a bit.  Add the meat & peppers & stir to blend.  Cook it down until the sauce is as thick as you want it & serve over rice.  YUM!

Gluten-Free Polenta Crust Pizza & Pizza Towers

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This couldn’t be much easier to make – unless you just bought a pre-made pizza.  Polenta (the quick cook kind) is done in 5 minutes.  Or – you could buy it like this:

If you buy it like that – then these are just really glorified English muffin pizzas.  SO EASY!  If you buy instant polenta like this:

then it comes together in about 5 minutes for a more traditional pizza – like I posted above.  For the towers – you need to chill it in the fridge for a while (30 minutes?) til it sets – like this:

See?  I just poured it into a container – chilled it – then sliced it up & cut rounds with a cookie cutter (or the top of a glass).  The chilled polenta lasts for days & can be used to make little pizzas on the spur of the moment.

I added a TBS or two of fresh thyme to my polenta as it cooked.  This is totally optional.

So – calling this a recipe is overstating things.  I used some homemade red sauce that I had around.  You can use your favorite recipe (I have a 5-Minute arrabiata here & also a marinara) or a jarred version.

I used a combination of fresh mozzarella & Parmesan.  You can use any cheese or any other pizza toppings you desire.  I added fresh basil (and I recommend this as it really does add a lot) and a few sprigs of arugula.  Both of these are optional.  I found the larger pizza to be a bit more moist than I would have preferred so I really suggest the little mini pizzas over the larger one – even if you do not care to present them in tower form.  I’ve been popping little cookie-sized pizzas into my mouth all weekend.  I recommend it highly!

Gluten-Free Polenta Crust Pizza & Pizza Towers

INGREDIENTS

Polenta (either pre-made or instant made as the package instructs)

Fresh thyme – optional (add to the polenta as it cooks)

Tomato sauce and/or sliced fresh tomatoes

Pizza cheese

Crushed red pepper (optional)

Fresh basil and/or arugula – shredded as garnish

DIRECTIONS

Make the polenta & either take a portion & spread it into a 1/4 inch pizza crust on a greased sheet or pan covered in parchment paper.  Cook at 450 degrees for about 10 minutes or until the edges crisp.

Top the pizza with sauce, tomatoes & cheese & cook until the cheese is melted & beginning to brown.  Garnish with basil and/or arugula & eat it up!  OR!

Chill the polenta until it is firm (maybe 30 minutes – or overnight).  Slice it to your desired thickness & (optionally) cut it into little rounds.  Or – just open that pre-made tube of polenta and slice that fucker up.

Place on a greased cooking sheet or on parchment covered pan.  I then doused mine with crushed red pepper.

Bake these at 450 degrees for about ten minutes & then top them with sauce & cheese.

Then bake until they look done to your eye.

You can garnish them with basil & arugula & serve them like this or let them cool for about a minute & stack them.  You will likely need a toothpick spiked through the center to keep them from sliding into a gooey mess.  Whatever you decide – pop open a bottle of wine & get your munch on!

Vegan Beef, Potato & Squash Curry with Gluten-Free Cauliflower “Rice”

All Photos © Christine Elise McCarthy 2013

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OK – before I get into this very easy recipe for Vegan Beef, Potato & Squash Curry with Gluten-Free Cauliflower “Rice” – let me begin my effort to prep the world for the upcoming release of my first novel – Bathing & the Single Girl.

Is was inspired by my short film of the same name.  The trailer for that film can be seen HERE.  I will be releasing it as an E-book only (for now) and I hope to have it up for sale before Christmas.  It is a comic Hollywood mockumemoir about fading fame, excessive drinking, awkward sex and the horrors of dating (and bathing with) younger men.  I hope you will read it when it comes out!

Here is a quote from the book’s heroine:

“See?  I can be selfless.  As long as there is something in it for me.” – Ruby Fitzgerald

OK, that said – let’s move onto this delightful recipe!  It is very easy & very customizable.  I used the vegetables I used here because I had them on hand.  You could sub out things you don’t like or do not have & use things like carrots or sweet potatoes or green beans or cauliflower.  Whatever.  You could also use real beef.  I made a special effort to only use really mainstream ingredients & skipped the typical Indian spices like garam masala and curry leaves – because I wanted everyone to be able to make this – even those without access to the more exotic ingredients.  Do not be intimidated by the length of the ingredient list.  If you have a spice rack, you probably already have at least half of the stuff listed.

I served this with the gluten-free (guilt free, too!) cauliflower faux rice but you could use any rice you like – especially the wonderfully aromatic & traditional basmati rice.   Because this is really just an Indian beef stew, it would also go nicely over mashed potatoes or egg noodles.

The rice I made here used a bit of this stuff –

which I buy at Super King for about $7.  You can buy it online.  You could use this or saffron threads threads or just a bit of turmeric to add color.

I also used coconut oil –

and Trader Joe’s Beef-less strips.  If these are not available to you, use olive oil & and brand of faux beef you can find – or even a tofu or tempeh variety.  I used these little potatoes – but any potato will do.

I used a butternut squash (half of one) and a red onion.  Sweet potato or brown onions all you have?  Use those!

Vegan Beef, Potato & Squash Curry with Gluten-Free Cauliflower “Rice”

serves 4-6 easily

INGREDIENTS

For the cauliflower “rice”

1/2 large head cauliflower

1/2 onion – diced

1 TBS saffron liquid (or a few saffron threads steeped in 1/4 cup hot water for a few minutes) – or 1-2 tsp turmeric (for color)

2 TBS olive oil

Salt to taste

For the Vegan Beef, Potato & Squash Curry

Coconut oil (or olive oil)

2 (8 oz) packages of Trader Joe’s Beef-less Strips (or similar quantity of other vegan meat – or real beef)

Cornstarch

1/2 lb potatoes – cubed

2 jalapenos – diced (optional)

1 onion – diced

1/2 butternut squash – peeled & cubed (or a few sweet potatoes or carrots)

1 cup peas

Coconut oil (or olive oil)

2 TBS Madras Curry

1 TBS ground cumin

1 TBS ground coriander

1 TBS turmeric

1/2 tsp cayenne pepper

1 TBS crushed red pepper (or to taste)

1 tsp sugar

2 tsp salt (or more – to taste)

1 TBS ginger – minced

8 garlic cloves – chopped

1 (14 oz) can diced tomatoes

1 (14 oz) can coconut milk (I used lite)

2 TBS apple cider vinegar

2 cups water

Paprika – as garnish

Fresh cilantro as garnish

DIRECTIONS

For the Vegan Beef, Potato & Squash Curry

Toss the meat with a TBS or two of cornstarch until it is coated.

Heat 2-3 TBS coconut oil (or olive oil) in a large saute pan on high heat.  Sear the meat on all sides.  Set aside.

Add another few TBS of oil to the pan & add the onion & jalapenos.  Saute over med–high for a few minutes or until soft.  Add the curry, cumin, coriander, turmeric, cayenne, salt, sugar, crushed red pepper, ginger & garlic and stir for about a minute.

Add the tomatoes, coconut milk, apple cider vinegar & water & stir to blend.  Add the meat, potato & squash.

Bring this to a boil & reduce to a simmer & let cook while you make the rice.

For the cauliflower “rice”

Using the grater blade of a food processor or just a regular grater – shred the cauliflower into a rice-like texture.

Heat a few TBS of oil in a large saute pan & saute the onion until soft.

Add the cauliflower.  Add the saffron liquid or saffron threads & their steeping water or the turmeric and the salt.  Saute over med-high heat until tender – maybe 5-10 minutes.

Add the peas to the simmering beef curry & heat through.

Once the potato & squash are tender – serve your curry with the cauliflower rice & garnish them with the paprika & cilantro.  Eat way more than is decent or civilized because – what the fuck?  Why not?  This shit is vegan & gluten-free!  It is like eating air.  Really tasty air!

Super Easy Spicy Vegan Orange Chicken

All Photos © Christine Elise McCarthy 2013

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In case you haven’t heard – I wrote a HILARIOUS novel!!!  Read all about it HERE.

I am not vegan but these Trader Joe’s faux meats are so inspiring to me!  (UPDATE – Beyond Meat vegan chicken is even better!) I mean, if you CAN eat vegan easily & deliciously, why wouldn’t you?  It isn’t like you can’t just go eat a burger or sushi tomorrow.  In fact, a carnivorous friend of mine is on that VB6 (Vegan Before Six) diet and dropped thirty pounds effortlessly.  Who among us wouldn’t like to a lose a few pounds while still feeling like the meals have been decadent?

Anyway – as I  said before, I am not typically a fan of seitan or tempeh or the other faux meats out there unless they are used sparingly & in busy dishes like vegetarian chili or pasta with a meat sauce.  One exception is soyrizo – which tastes pretty great but is very specific & can be overpowering.

However, my recent efforts with this brand of fake beef resulted in two of my new favorite meals – the Jameson Whiskey Spicy Vegan Beef Bourguignon and  the Mongolian Beef – seen below respectively.

This Spicy Vegan Orange Chicken takes about twenty minutes & is better than take-out.  You might serve it with steamed broccoli or garlicky green beans and maybe use another variety of rice or quinoa.  But try it because it is an easy, guiltless, guilty pleasure.  Or – use real chicken – if you are a sissy.

Super Easy Spicy Vegan Orange Chicken

serves 4

INGREDIENTS

Rice (optional) – I bought mine already cooked at the local Thai restaurant

2 (8 oz) packages vegan chicken strips (or similar quantity of real chicken strips)

2 TBS cornstarch

2-3 TBS olive oil

Zest & juice of two oranges

2 TBS minced ginger

8 garlic cloves – minced

1 cup soy sauce

1-2 TBS crushed red pepper (or to taste)

3/4 cup brown sugar (or more, to taste, if you like it on the sweet side)

Scallions as garnish

DIRECTIONS

If you are not cheating like I did (by buying cooked rice at a take-out joynt) – get your rice cooking.  The rest should be done even before the rice is.

Zest & juice the oranges & set those aside.

Coat the chicken in cornstarch.  Add the olive oil to a large saute pan & fry the chicken (vegan or otherwise) until it is browned on the outside.  If using real chicken, be sure it is cooked through.

Remove the meat & set aside.  If the pan requires it, add a bit more olive oil.  Add the crushed red pepper, ginger, garlic & orange zest & stir for 30 seconds or so.  Add the soy sauce.  Measure the orange juice.  If you have less than one cup – top it off to bring it up to a cup with water.  Add that to the pan.  Add the sugar & bring to a boil over high heat.  If it doesn’t thicken very quickly (less than 5 minutes), simply take 1 tsp cornstarch & 1/4 cup water & blend them together & add to the sauce.  It should thicken (at a boil) almost immediately.  Lower to medium heat & add the chicken.  If the sauce is too thick, add water.  If it is still too thin, cook until it thickens.  Serve with rice & sliced scallions as garnish – and with whatever veggie you prepared.  I went purist & just ate this like you see with no veggie.  It made for a pretty dense meal so I really suggest adding steamed broccoli, at least.  Enjoy!

Jameson Whiskey Spicy Vegan Beef Bourguignon with Gluten-Free Pasta & Broccoli

All Photos © Christine Elise McCarthy 2013

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OK – I am officially obsessed with Trader Joe’s Beef-Less Strips.  The other day I made the easiest & most awesome Spicy Vegan Mongolian Beef.

Last night I made this vegan variation of beef bourguignon & it was amazing!  Beef bourguignon is, basically, a French beef stew.  Many recipes call for cognac.  I didn’t have cognac so I used Jameson whiskey.  Many beef bourguignon recipes require a good 3-4 hours of cooking the meat in the oven.  This was made stove top in thirty minutes & I believe that would hold true even if you used real meat.  It was so Goddamn delicious – I ate it all – by myself!  I served it atop gluten-free spaghetti.

You could use any pasta you like or mashed potatoes or polenta – whatever.  I also steamed some broccoli & added it to the plate.  It was really quite something & I sincerely hope you try it.  It is SO EASY & so yummy – I promise – you will make it again.

Jameson Whiskey Spicy Vegan Beef Bourguignon with Gluten-Free Pasta & Broccoli

Serves 2

INGREDIENTS

8 oz package Trader Joe’s Beef-less Strips (or other brand or similar portion of real beef – cubed or strips)

10 pearl onions (fresh or frozen)

3 carrots – chopped

5-10 mushrooms – cut in half (or quartered, if they are large)

1 TBS cornstarch (or flour)

olive oil

1/4 cup Jameson whiskey

1 cup red wine (use a decent one so you can drink the rest of the bottle with the meal)

1 cup vegetable stock

1 TBS tomato paste

2 bay leaves

4 garlic cloves – chopped

1/2 tsp (or more – to taste) crushed red pepper (optional)

Fresh thyme

S&P to taste

1/2 lb pasta

Broccoli florets (enough to feed two as a side)

DIRECTIONS

If using fresh pearl onions – put them in boiling water for 3 minutes & then drain under cold water.  Cut the ends off & peel.  Set aside.  If using frozen ones – jump ahead.

Dredge your meat (real or vegan) in the cornstarch.

Put a thin layer of olive oil in a large saute pan & heat over high.  Add the meat & sear on all sides.  This will likely take longer if you use real meat.  Don’t worry much about under-cooking real meat as it will continue to cook as you add ingredients.

Deglaze the pan with the Jameson whiskey (simply by adding it & stirring it in – scraping the bottom of the pan) & then add 1 cup red wine, the vegetable stock, tomato paste, bay leaves, garlic and crushed red pepper (if using).  Heat to a boil then reduce to med-low.  Add S&P to taste.  Ad several sprigs of chopped fresh thyme (leaves only – not stems).

In another pan, add a glug or two of olive oil & over medium heat, saute the pearl onions, mushrooms & carrots.   Saute, stirring frequently, until they begin to sear or brown a bit (5 minutes or so).  Deglaze the pan with either more Jameson whiskey or wine (or water) and then add the lot to the beef stew pan.

Continue cooking over medium heat until the carrots are tender.  If the stew is too thick, add some water.  If it is too thin – increase heat & cook until you get the desired consistency.  Lower heat & let it simmer while you cook the pasta & steam the broccoli.  I simply added the broccoli florets to the pasta for the final two minutes.  Remove the bay leaves.

Drain the pasta & broccoli & put some on plates.  Top with the beef bouguignon (and maybe extra thyme as garnish?) & serve with wine.  At least one bottle per person.  🙂

Or slop this stuff down with the remaining Jameson, in which case, the one bottle should be enough for two.  😉

Ultra Easy Vegan (or not) Spicy Mongolian Beef with Broccoli

 

All Photos © Christine Elise McCarthy 2013

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I usually find faux meats to be pretty useless.  The texture is never convincing & the flavor is typically kinda yucky.  You need a lot of other things going on in the way of sauces & spices to fool even those, like myself, who are very eager to be fooled.  I’m no ball-buster on this front.  I accept Diet Coke as a substitute for Coke (though I seldom drink either of those toxins – preferring to poison myself with the sugar & other bad elements of a bottle of wine).  I accept veggie dogs & veggie burgers as the phony version of their animal-based counterparts – even though I know no meat eater would ever be tricked.  But the faux chicken patties & fake buffalo wings & fake bacons are entirely unacceptable (excepting the chemical-burn-producing BACOS – which I love – and will eat out of the jar – embracing the stalactites of flesh that dangle from the roof of my mouth afterward as a small price to pay for the sensation of eating bacon).  Until recently (because of this report HERE on Fukishima & the west coast of the US) – I preferred to use various seafood items in place of meat but now even that has been taken from me.  And, frankly, this blog is like a insatiable zombie.  Like this zombie protest –

this blog makes similar monomaniacal demands of me – but it demands new recipes instead of brains.  Not a vegan & not a meat eater – I am, I guess, a new vegetarian after 20-25 years of identifying as pescatarian.  Anyway, it gets hard to come up with new things to make all the time when so much of the average person’s diet is off my menu.  When I add in calorie considerations (a gal cannot live on mac & cheese and pizza forever without repercussions) and then other foods I am trying to avoid – like corn and soy – which Monsanto is starting to scare me off of – and then add budget considerations – I sometimes find myself in a culinary no-man’s land.  So – in a moment of desperation, I bought these Trader Joe’s Beef-less Strips.

I know.  They contain soy.  But fuck it.  I had little hope that these would be any more satisfying than other items of this ilk, anyway, and so they sat in my fridge for weeks.  Finally, last night, I decided to mix them up with some broccoli & make an Asian-inspired beef dish.  I broke down (out of laziness) and picked up a container of steamed rice from a local Thai joynt – even though I try to avoid white rice as much as possible, too.  (Are you beginning to understand the too-much-information foodie-world I have gotten myself into?)

The resulting dish might be one of the tastiest & easiest recipes I have ever posted!

I steamed the broccoli separately.  I recommend this highly as a way to avoid overcooking it & to keep it from turning an unsightly dark brown color from the sauce.  You can use any kind of rice you like – or put this over noodles of some kind – but try it!

This is a REALLY easy dish to make.  It made my house smell like a Chinese restaurant (in the best way) & this fake beef shit was so shockingly good – it was all I could do not to eat the entire recipe in one sitting.  The leftovers were even better today & I wasted no time devouring them.  If you eat actual meat – feel free to use that.  I think you will be blown away by how Goddamn tasty this fucker is.

Ultra Easy Vegan (or not) Spicy Mongolian Beef with Broccoli

serves 2

INGREDIENTS

Steamed rice of your choice

Broccoli (quantity is up to you but I used one very large head) – cut into florets

1 (8 oz) package of Trader Joe’s Beef-less Strips (or other brand – or a similar quantity of real steak strips)

Olive oil

Cornstarch

1 tsp crushed red pepper (or sriracha or other chili paste) – optional

1 TBS minced ginger (I used jarred)

4 garlic cloves – minced

1/2 cup soy sauce

1/2 cup water

2/3 cup brown sugar

DIRECTIONS

Make the rice & set aside.  Steam the broccoli in about 1/4 inch of boiling water – in a covered pot – for about 2 minutes.  Drain & return to dry pot, cover to keep warm & set aside.

Toss the fake (or real) meat in just enough cornstarch to cover it.

Heat 2 TBS olive oil in a large saute pan.  Add the crushed red pepper & the meat.  Fry the meat until the outside begins to brown or get a bit crusty.  Maybe 3-5 minutes.  If using real meat – cook it to your desired doneness.  Put the meat (real or otherwise) on a plate & set aside.

Lower the heat on the pan to med-low.  Add the garlic & ginger & let saute about a minute & then add the water, soy & sugar.  Increase heat to a boil.

The sauce should thicken pretty quickly.  Add the cooked meat.  Toss with the broccoli or serve the broccoli as a side.  Add some rice to the situation & eat the two servings on your own.  Get drunk & start shit-talking on Facebook about what a badass, cooking muthafuckah you are.

It happens.  Don’t judge yourself.

Easy Stove-Top (or not) Smoked Mozzarella Macaroni & Cheese

All Photos © Christine Elise McCarthy 2013

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All my posts now have a VERY customizable PRINT & PDF option.  Create a PDF & save the recipe to your computer or print it out.  It offers a “remove images” option & you can delete any part of the post you do not need before printing.  The button is below by the Twitter & Facebook links.

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This is a REALLY easy recipe for mac & cheese & it doesn’t even require baking!  I baked it because I wanted a crusty topping of toasted panko but you can skip this & go directly to the “shoveling it into your pie hole” part of the deal, if you desire.  It doesn’t require a lot of ingredients or any skill at all.  It is nearly as easy to make as a box of Kraft – so – no excuses!  Try it!  It is smoky & yummy!

Easy Stove-Top (or not) Smoked Mozzarella Macaroni & Cheese

INGREDIENTS

1/2 lb (or about three cups) of uncooked pasta (shape of your choice.  I used egg noodles left over from my delicious Chicken Noodle Soup recipe of the other day)

1 (12 oz) can evaporated milk

2 cups grated cheese (I used a pizza mix of regular mozzarella & cheddar)

1 cup grated smoked mozzarella (use more smoked cheese than the other for an even smokier result)

2 TBS butter

1 tsp cornstarch

1 (or more) tsp salt & pepper to taste

1/4-1/2 cup Panko or other breadcrumbs (optional)

Paprika as garnish (optional)

DIRECTIONS

If baking, pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees.

Cook the pasta according to directions & drain & return to the stove in the same pot.  Add the butter, evaporated milk, cornstarch, cheeses & heat it up, stirring constantly, until it is melted, bubbly & thickened.  Add S&P to taste.

Here you can either opt to add a bit of paprika & shovel the deliciousness into your face pronto or you can grease a casserole pan with cooking spray, add the mac & cheese & top with a layer of panko or other breadcrumbs & bake, uncovered, for 20-25 minutes or until the breadcrumbs brown to your desired state.  Add some paprika for color (I forgot to) and commence the emotional eating.  You know what I am talking about.  This shit will fill the hole in your soul for at least a few hours & by then – the wine will have kicked in.  Cheers!

Now

Easy Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup Made From Scratch

All Photos © Christine Elise McCarthy 2013

Follow @celisemccarthy

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To see images of my past posts & get links to the recipes – look on my Pinterest board – HERE.

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All my posts now have a VERY customizable PRINT & PDF option.  Create a PDF & save the recipe to your computer or print it out.  It offers a “remove images” option & you can delete any part of the post you do not need before printing.  The button is below by the Twitter & Facebook links.

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I do not eat meat.  No poultry, beef, lamb, pork or otherwise.  And I recently gave up seafood because of reports about what the Fukishima disaster is doing to sea life.  Call me crazy but I do not want to eat a fish that has such terrible radiation poisoning that it is bleeding from its gills & eyes.  And there are so many other carcinogens we are exposed to every day over which we have no control – I just think avoiding seafood seems smart from now on.  Freshwater fish – I might still sample.  We shall see.

So – no – I do not eat chicken soup but I did back in the day.  And my badass boyfriend, Miles, exists on a nearly 100% animal protein diet.  He is here in LA this week & arrived with a terrible cold – so – I made him this soup.  Though I was not able to try it, it smells outrageously good & is truly easy.  The key is getting a cooked chicken.  Or roast your own but that adds a whole procedure that seems more work than it is worth.

The cooked chickens at Ralph’s were $7 and anemic-looking compared to the Flintstones-sized, ginormous $5 roasted chickens at Costco.  Having purchased the Costco chickens in the past for my dogs – I can also report that they are juicier & far less greasy than the Ralph’s jobby I picked up yesterday.  So – if you live near a Costco – get the chicken there.

Like lots of my recipes, the ratio of ingredients here is just a suggestion.  The size of your chicken will determine how much you need of the other things.  Yes, people.  Size matters.  So – if you have a glorified Cornish game hen-sized chicken – this ingredient list will work.  If you get the whopper chicken from Costco – you might want to ratchet up the veggie quantity.  Also – this is a very traditional chicken soup (because Miles is an old-school kinda guy) but you could add chopped kale or diced zucchini or whatever the fuck you want in it.  Go crazy.

Easy Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup From Scratch

INGREDIENTS

1 roasted chicken

2 onions

10 celery stalks

1 bunch parsley

5 garlic cloves

4 bay leaves

5 carrots

Several sprigs each of fresh thyme & fresh sage

1/2 lb noodles ( I used egg noodles)

Olive oil

Salt & Pepper to taste

Extra parsley as garnish

DIRECTIONS

In a large soup pot, add a glug or two of olive oil.  Quarter ONE onion & roughly chop FIVE celery stalks.  I added the base of the celery to my pot, too.  Cut the garlic cloves in half.  Saute the onion, celery & garlic for about 2 minutes.

Meanwhile – remove all the nice meat from the chicken & set aside.  If there is liquid in the COOKED chicken packaging (NEVER add raw chicken “juice” to anything!)  – feel free to add that to the stock.  Put everything else from the chicken (skin, bones, wings & icky bits – ALL of the rest) into the stock pot with the veggies.  Add the parsley, sage & thyme whole.  Add the bay leaves.  Add enough water to cover all the ingredients in at least an inch of water.  Bring to a boil.  Simmer for at least thirty minutes.  Get another large pot & put a colander over it.  Pour the stock through the colander & throw away all the bits the colander catches.  Return the fresh chicken stock to the stove. Dice the remaining onion & add it to the stock.  Add the reserved chicken pieces.  Dice the celery & add that.  Chop the carrots & add them.  Add the noodles.  Bring to a boil & simmer until the noodles are cooked & the veggies are tender.  If the soup needs more stock, just add water.  Add salt (at least 1 tsp – maybe as much as 3 or 4 – but TASTE IT after you add each quantity of salt).  Add pepper.  Serve it up with some more parsley & let the healing begin!!

Spicy Chili Chocolate Cake & Fine Dining in Montecito, California

All Photos © Christine Elise McCarthy 2013

Follow @celisemccarthy

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To see images of my past posts & get links to the recipes – look on my Pinterest board – HERE.

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All my posts now have a VERY customizable PRINT & PDF option.  Create a PDF & save the recipe to your computer or print it out.  It offers a “remove images” option & you can delete any part of the post you do not need before printing.  The button is below by the Twitter & Facebook links.

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OK – I will apologize up front for the lame photos of the chili chocolate cake.  I hope the photos of my Montecito trip make up for it a tiny bit.

This chili chocolate cake is just stupid easy & really dense – like a flourless cake – despite the fact that it is flour-based.  I stole the recipe from Bake-aholic.com (their version & photo below)

and just used my Fireball frosting from the Fireball Whiskey Cupcakes I made the same day I made this cake.

My cake seemed far more dense than their appears but it was rather yummy.

Here is their recipe for

Chili & Chocolate Cake

INGREDIENTS

• 2 cups flour
• 1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 3/4 cups sugar
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 T cinnamon
• 1/4-1/2 tsp cayenne pepper (to taste)
• 1 cup oil
• 1 cup buttermilk (you know I never plan ahead…1 T of vinegar or lemon juice in a measuring cup…add milk to the 1 cup mark.  let sit 5 minutes to curdle)
• 2 eggs
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 1 cup hot hot water

DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.  Spray a 13″x9″ baking pan with nonstick spray.

In a large bowl, whisk together flour, cocoa powder, salt, sugar, soda, cinnamon and cayenne (start with 1/4 tsp cayenne…you can adjust when the batter is all combined). Add in oil, buttermilk, eggs and vanilla. Stir gently. Add hot water. Pour into pan and bake for 30-40 minutes, until a tester inserted in the center comes out clean. Let cool completely in pan on a wire rack.

Frosting:

• 1 cup butter, softened
• 6 cups powdered sugar
• 2 tsp vanilla
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 4-6 T milk

Beat butter until smooth. Add powdered sugar gradually, add vanilla and cinnamon. Add milk and beat until you attain your desired consistency (I generally start with 4 T [1/4 cup] then add 1 T at a time).  Frost cooled cake. (This frosting is also delicious on graham crackers.)

This weekend marked my second anniversary with the badass, Miles Miller.  I had an available dog sitter so we took the opportunity & escaped for a night to Montecito.  Montecito is the wealthy town just south of Santa Barbara.  I used to go there all the time & have a few favorite spots but I hadn’t been in over a decade – so – returning to those old favorite haunts had a distinct element of risk.  Not every restaurant can maintain its quality for twenty years.  Since I chose the destinations – all the responsibility was on my shoulders and I was a bit nervous.  But one place I was fairly certain would have maintained its allure is the Four Seasons Biltmore up there on the beach.  Unable to afford to actually stay there – I decided we could certainly afford to lunch there – so that was our first stop.

We sauntered into the hotel around noon & went to their restaurant there – Bella Vista.

“Are you joining us for brunch?”

I looked at Miles who shrugged and then answered, “I don’t see why not.”

But I could see why not.  I am not a brunch fan & I am especially not a brunch buffet fan.  Omelette bars & tables of pastries are of no interest to me – not to mention that most buffets are excessively littered with meat options.  Not only am I not a meat eater but, recently, I decided to stop eating seafood (because of the radiation they are finding in it from Fukishima – read HERE).  WTF else is there on a buffet for me?

But, we committed & I decided to make the best of it.  The bottomless champagne promised to take the edge off whatever disappointment lay ahead for me.  And look how pretty the joynt is.

I tried to console myself with the thought that a high end buffet would, at least, have lots of options that would please my nearly purely carnivorous boyfriend.  I sipped champagne.  I looked around.  I thought, “This does not suck.”  Because it didn’t – no matter what I ended up eating.  And look at how cute Miles is!

Then I wandered into the buffet room.  It was truly a wonderland of options.  The Biltmore does not fuck around & this buffet proved to be the finest I had ever seen.  Sure, there was bacon & sausage & homemade hash & rare lamb chops & prime rib & steak salad & chicken salad and, really, every meat option you can imagine and there was a wall lined with every variety of sweet thing on Earth.  There was the requisite omelette bar & the bagels & lox & all the other things you might expect.  Initially, I loaded a pile of mashed potatoes on my plate, still determined to go vegetarian – until I lifted the lid on the shrimp & grits.  Oh fuck.  I adore grits & radiation cancer or not – I was going to have some of that shrimpy goodness.  As I spooned a bit on my plate – I spied huge hunks of lobster in the grits, too.  It was about then that I apparently went into some kind of seafood-frenzy black-out.  Photos of my first plate reveal these selections:

Mashed potatoes, seafood grits, CAVIAR (I could live on caviar) with all the traditional accoutrements, two oysters & a shrimp.

My return to the buffet resulted in this selection:

That, if you cannot tell, is a small selection of sushi, a tiny piece of smoked salmon, oysters, a shrimp & a SCANDALOUS portion of caviar that, as you might observe, I tried to obscure beneath the little bowl of soy sauce & wasabi.  There are eight blini there so that gives you some idea of the greed I exhibited.  I could have just stood there at the buffet & smeared it all over my face as I scraped the entire quantity offered into my mouth with a cupped palm – whilst growling at anybody unwise enough to approach me.  But that seemed rather classless so I just took about an entire ounce of the black gold and the desired extras (egg & creme fraiche etc) and rejoined Miles at our table & grunted, “This does NOT SUCK” repeatedly as I swilled the free-flowing champagne & licked caviar from my fingers.

Sometimes I’m not safe in public.  God bless Miles for loving me.

Properly sated – we braced for the bill.  Miles guessed the cost would be high & guessed $50 each.  I feared it would be closer to $125 each.  Or more.  After all – there was BOTTOMLESS CAVIAR & the champagne was not sweet & gross and it, too, was bottomless.  I think Miles threw up in his mouth a bit when the bill turned out to be just under $200 with tip but I knew we had dodged a bullet.  And I still had caviar running down my chin like a goatee – so I was good with it all.

So – I dragged him across the street to the beach.  Here is a peek at that loveliness.

So – we checked into the hotel – the Montecito Inn – and clicked on the fireplace.

Ah, romance.  A bubble bath in the jacuzzi tub & a stint watching Crib’s Most Expensive Homes & it was time to get back to the eating & drinking.

A single cocktail next door at Lucky’s

and it was time to go to one of my favorite restaurants anywhere – Pane e Vino.  The pressure was kind of off me by the time we got there because lunch had been such a success but I still sweated it out a bit until Miles declared his bolognese with spinach noodles to be delightful.  He hadn’t been as pleased with a similar dish the night before at LA’s Bottega Louie – so I really was worried.  My homemade pasta with mushrooms was insane.  Hard to photograph but not hard to shovel into my face.

The ride back & forth, by the way, was provided by the AWESOME Uber service.  Uber is a car service that you summon with an app on your phone.  You simply provide a credit card to them when you sign up & all the fees & tips etc are handled that way.  No cash.  And the drivers (for UberX – the least expensive of their three car options) drive their own car.  Cheaper & easier than a taxi service & you can request a fare estimate before pulling the trigger & calling for an Uber pick up.  I recommend it VERY highly.  And here is a little discount for your first ride.

Use my Uber promo code, 4hmyy, and get $10 off your first Uber ride.

Before we went to bed, I received this pathetic image of my two sons – huddled in despair because of my absence.  They can really work up a pity party when they are motivated.  Silly kids.

The next day before we headed home to reunited with the doggies – we stopped at Cava in Montecito.  It was a gorgeous day & we sat outside on the patio.  We nibbled on chips & salsa.

Miles ordered a beer & fajitas.

I got a huge portion of guacamole, a Bloody Mary & (back on the seafood wagon) – the chile relleno.

All were delicious though the chile relleno, as you can see, was served as almost a soup.  I have never seen it served that way before but it was very tasty.

And that, as they say, was that.

Try both the Chili Chocolate cake & try Montecito when you can.  And save up for that GD brunch buffet.  You could not possibly regret it!

If Los Angeles is your destination – the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills has a great dining spot, too.  Culina!  Check out my CRAZY experience there – HERE.

Grown-up Fireball Whiskey Cupcakes

All Photos © Christine Elise McCarthy 2013

Follow @celisemccarthy

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To see images of my past posts & get links to the recipes – look on my Pinterest board – HERE.

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All my posts now have a VERY customizable PRINT & PDF option.  Create a PDF & save the recipe to your computer or print it out.  It offers a “remove images” option & you can delete any part of the post you do not need before printing.  The button is below by the Twitter & Facebook links.

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My debut novel is out!  Check it out!  I think it is HILARIOUS!  I hope you will, too!

www.BathingBook.com

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These guys are as easy as can be.  You could make them with your favorite “from scratch” cupcake recipe or just buy a box of cake mix.  Same with the frosting.  I had to make a dinner for 12 the other day and, as it was a dual birthday celebration – desserts were a must.  I just didn’t have time to get all fancified with these.  Or even to photograph them properly – so – pardon the bare bones effort here.

If you haven’t tried Fireball whiskey but you like a cocktail & you like to pretend you aren’t really having one – this Fireball is for you.  I cannot stomach any brown liquors or whiskey, in general, but this stuff is candy in a bottle & I promise you will NOT taste whiskey.  At all.  My badass boyfriend Miles is in town for our anniversary (today!) and he has a weakness for this Fireball elixir and I thought I’d experiment with it in cupcakes.  It worked & they were colorful & tasty & reminiscent of those fireball jawbreakers.  Try them!

Grown-up Fireball Whiskey Cupcakes

INGREDIENTS

1 box of white cake mix (and the ingredients – eggs & oil – that the box outlines)

Fireball whiskey

Sprinkles of your choice

Red food coloring

Cupcake liners

For the icing

White frosting

DIRECTIONS

See?  EASY!

Make the cake mix as directed but replace the water required with Fireball whiskey & then add a tablespoon or two of red food coloring.

Bake as directed.  Cool the cupcakes.

Add a TBS or two (or more if you like) of Fireball whiskey to the frosting.

Frost & decorate as you like.  Voila!