All Photos © Christine Elise McCarthy 2013
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I had this idea in the bathtub last night. Relaxing & sipping wine in candlelight – I sat up with a start!
What if I made my favorite crack-like meal – Kraft macaroni & cheese – but used ONLY cauliflower? I Googled the idea a bunch & tried to see if someone else had done it. What I found is some scandal that Kraft puts powdered cauliflower in one of their boxed dinners. I’m not sure if folks are mad that something that could be touted (in a stretch) as “healthy” is being added to the toxic soup that is a Kraft Mac & Cheese dinner or if they are mad that Kraft is claiming that powdered cauliflower counts as a veggie – nor do I care. WTF, people? If you want your kids to eat veggies – fucking feed them veggies. And – anyone that goes to MacDonalds or eats Doritos or Funyuns or Kraft diners (as I sometimes do – as much as I try not to) and then whines that the food isn’t healthy enough or made them fat – to you I also say, “What the fuck?” Didn’t the minor chemical burns in your mouth from eating those things (especially Funyuns) tip you off? Or Morgan Spurlock’s near liver failure after 21 days of eating McDonalds? Or pop artist, Ron English, & his supersized Ronald?
(photo stolen from the internet)
If you are unaware of Ron English, by the way, you should change that. He is an incredible fine artist & social satirist & street artist. From billboard pirating to vinyl dolls to tremdous paintings – he is a prolific genius. Some more samples (photos from Ron’s site – https://www.popaganda.com/ ):
At any rate – those junk foods are as widely known to be JUNK as cigarettes are known to cause cancer. So – save your whining for the real food issues out there – like GMO labeling etc and a corrupted FDA and – either embrace the poisons & their glorious nutrition vacuums or eschew them.
OR – do what I did and keep ALL the cancer-causing dyed toxic powder waste of a Kraft “cheese” packet & then save a few calories by losing the only actual food item in the box (the macaroni) and replace it with a real, live, honest to God VEGGIE!
I am telling you – I was so excited about this idea that I left directly from my 8:15am tae-bo class & headed, looking like a drown rat, to Ralph’s & bought the things I needed – namely the cauliflower & milk – as I always have Kraft & butter in my house.
And – when this was all said and done & I sat down to shovel it into my face – the only regret I had was that I hadn’t used the entire head of cauliflower. I used half – trying to match the bulk that the macaroni would have provided. As it turned out – I feel there was enough of the buttery sauce to accommodate an entire medium head. The sauce did seems a tad watery, though. Maybe the starch from the pasta thickens that up. In an effort to remedy that, I added about 1/4 cup of a mixed grated cheese (mozzarella & cheddar) that I had. I didn’t notice much of a difference & decided not to add more – lest I do serious damage to the integrity of my experiment. Still – after I photographed the bejesus out of my erotically orange results (Yes. Yes – I feel that way about Kraft dinner. Live with it.) – I noticed that the remaining sauce in the pan I used to mix it the whole shebang up in had thickened a bit. So – I added that to my neon-colored cauliflower before I devoured the whole thing. And then – I began to actually drink the sauce that was left in my bowl once the cauliflower was gone – like one would drink the milk left behind in a cereal bowl – until I realized I was really just drinking chemical-enriched butter & reluctantly put the bowl in the sink.
So – all in all – I would recommend this very much. I ate the whole of that once-powdery then buttery orange nectar (or the bulk of it) and I sit here writing now, an hour later, without a stomach ache nor a sense of bloat nor am I awash with the traditional accompanying guilt. If you like Kraft & you like cauliflower – you must try this. Or – if you are a parent really trying to get kids to eat veggies – this might be just the culinary training wheels required – especially if you include the pasta.
Kraft Cauliflower No-Mac and Cheese
1 box Kraft Macaroni & Cheese
4 TBS butter
1/4 cup milk (or less)
1/4 cup (or more) grated cheese (cheddar or mozzarella or something else bland) – OPTIONAL
1 medium head cauliflower – cut into florets
Boil the cauliflower until tender. Five minutes or less.
Melt the butter in a sauce pan & add the milk & grated cheese (if using) and the glorious Kraft cheese powder. Whisk smooth.
Drain the cauliflower & return to the pan. Pour the sauce over it & mix to blend. You might want to let it sit a few minutes to thicken. S&P to taste & you are off to the races!